I am going to step into my first and only 30's soon. And I'm still very clueless what is my path going to be then. I had worked as graphic designer & visual merchandiser. I always ask myself, "Will those be the job that I am still going to work as in future 10 years times?" My answer is "No." I do not consider myself someone who is very creative. And every year, there are bunches of design students graduate, well equipped with all sorts of design knowledge and ideas. How am I, a 30 plus old guy going to compete with them, while I'm growing older? Sure my ideas aren't going to be as fresh as them.
I know I can design out something good and nice. But that is when I am having the "good mood". I am not someone who is very confident. When I got credit for my work, I will feel shy and just reply "oh"...but on the other side, if I am not doing well, I will start to lose that "fire" in me and tend to switch to "give up mood". I do admit that I'm quite a emotional one compare to guys out there(I am a Cancer), my emotion do control a lot of my actions.
I used to realize that working is where you keep climbing up and earn tonnes of money. So I climb slowly to a certain stage with quite a decent paid. But it's then when I start to feel unhappy. I know money isn't something that can fulfill the emptiness within me. Every time I spent fiercely, I just had that moment of excitement. But after that, I get nothing!
I got this favorite singer who had gone through depression few years back then. She shared her experience in her book. She refused to admit she is 'sick'. She is so defeated and stuck in "shadow", can't get herself out. She got the fame and wealth. She is unhappy.
I do had this kind of feeling sometimes. Am I a depression victim? I can't give a clear answer. I am a bright and drama guy while on the other hand, I can be so unhappy with everything around.
I attended my first ever yoga class last year in a fitness center. At first yoga for me is just some movement and jumping on a mat. My first class is such a torture, as a 27 years old guy who having all muscles and hamstring that been tighten all the years. I was just following instructions and do the poses. After sometime, I realize that yoga gradually changing my mind and my thinking. The moment I got onto a mat, I can automatically switch off my working mind. Sometimes it does malfunction. Haha. All my work stress and pressure will be left outside the mat.
So I had crush on yoga so much since then. At the very beginning, my mere thoughts of taking yoga TTC is to learn all those difficult asanas, trying to earn some extra income while doing yoga. But things are going to be as easy as i thought.
After some classes with JK, I had a new ideas what yoga is. Yoga isn't you just jumping on a mat. That 2 classes really given me some sparks what I am going to go through. I am sure it's a tough path. I think it's a must for me, myself. Like I always tell my friends, "If you are sick, please let it sick all the way, you will be recover in a better way compare to you fall a small sick."
"Should I get myself all defeated by the darkness, and get up stronger?"
Who knows what had God prepare for me?
I am joining yoga TTC this August. I hope I will discover myself. No more Nidra(sleep walking), kill those suffering Vrtti, living just for myself without caring those perceptions people had on me.
Besides that, I hope I can enlighten someone too. Just like JK and Zen,my beloved yoga instructor.
JK sure is a cool lady :D
Love y'all ^^
No comments:
Post a Comment