Finding A True Self

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who always proud of herself believed that she was the happiest girl in the world. She has great supportive lovely parents who always think monies and social status are everything. She has what she wanted, she travelled frequently with her parents, she stayed in a beautiful house, the richest among her relatives and she loved the feeling of being top of the world. She listened to her parents and thought all pre-arrangements were the best for her. She always wanted to be no 1 for everything just to please her parents and herself, to proof to the world she can do it! However, thing doesn’t work well as she growing up even in her university life. Her circle of friends shrunk! None of her friends willing to talk or listen to her stories when she needed a pair of ears. No one willing to know neither her happiness nor sadness she has gone thru. Her inner world turned into darkness; she couldn’t find light shine on her, no more in her life! She became timid, fear, hesitant, lack of confidence and closed her heart to anyone including her parents. She was living in pain and lost her direction to find her own true self!

***

Yes, I was the little girl and now an “old” lady! (According to young Jasper’s theory! I might be same age as his beloved mum or dad! =.=”””””)

***

Yoga was first introduced by my buddy Paggie. I remembered there was once she brought her yoga mat to my apartment and started practising Surya Namaskara in my living room. I was laughing non-stop! At that time, I was thinking “What the heck are these poses about? Turning a human into animals?” Well, Paggie did an excellent job on brain-washing me about Yoga. Slowly, I changed my perception on Yoga.

I begin my Yoga journey when a tragedy happened many years ago. I told myself no more tears at night, get yourself off and start doing something that could change your life. The stiffness of my body became major barrier of practicing yoga. I was the only one in the class dragged by the instructor to use the wall to align my body! I felt uncontrollable shame, remorse and embarrassment each time I attended the class! But thanks God, I never give up due to my nature attitude strongly planted in my mind, I will get it RIGHT one day! The satisfactions in the latest stage slowly build up my confidence towards Yoga. From Yoga, I branched out to BodyBalance® and Pilates. The greatest surprise gift I get was I met new friends that share the same interest of mine. I met Mei, an inspired Yoga and Pilates instructor who shared a lot of her views not only on Yoga and Pilates but also on religion. Thru Mei, I met Ginny who is now my greatest big sister, an awesome Pilates Instructor Trainer and ex-Yoga instructor who always guided me move towards the correct pathway to be a better person. Her words touched my heart and changed my thoughts. She is the angel God sent helping me to enlighten my life. Since the day I met Sis Ginny, the lights again shine on my head under her supervisions with all the steps I move forward.

Thru Yoga and Pilates, I know my body better. Sad news was, orthopedic surgeon confirmed I have scoliosis after X-ray and assessment which actually limit me from doing certain asana. I discussed with Sis Ginny, how do I become a Yoga instructor where I had limitation in my body movements? I can’t even do headstand and I can’t even do a simple roll up. The answer was, none of the instructor in the world has all the perfect postures. One day, Sis Ginny words again strike my mind, “Kai Li, taking Yoga TTC is not about asana, alignment, how beautiful of your postures, Yoga also teaching you how to control your emotion and find your true self! Take these opportunities and learn as much as you can and see how much Yoga can change you!”

I am now joining Yoga TTC. Soon I hope I could be a qualified Yoga instructor. I always ask myself, what do I really want in the rest of my life? At time being, I am still doing things that please someone surrounding me, my beloved parents and family members who always support me! My mind always telling me, the purpose of my life is just to please people and making them happy! - (Is this a Virtti? How do I kill this virtti?) I asked Jacqueline yesterday, how do you find your true self when you always doing things that please someone? That is not a real you!

One thing for sure is I am joining Yoga TTC not to please anyone! I am doing it for my own self, to find a total brand new Kai Li that could smile truly from her inner heart all the times. J

All the best to the upcoming August 2011 SunYoga teacher trainees!